Sushi
by litlcapt
Summary: It was the day from hell and even their food was fighting back, sushi was just not their thing. Team fic.


Sushi

"Oh, I think I'm goin' to be sick," it was a sentence none of them really wanted to hear but at that moment looking into the bowl of doom on the table they were all thinking it. Carson Beckett just had enough gusto to say it aloud causing Teyla to look away in disgust. Rodney McKay still had his head bent down looking away from the bowl while Sheppard had his eyes skyward. Ronon really held no expression at all, what a surprise to them all.

So far this mission had gone from bad to worse complete unneeded running and now a mysterious bowl of native cuisine to sum it all up. Murphy's Law they would call it later when they were safe in the walls of Atlantis but for now it was hell, Carson's words exactly. Actually they were all a bit perturbed with the good doctor saying he cursed the mission the moment they stepped through the 'gate. 'This is goin' to be a bad day' he said and how true it turned out to be. They would be sure to make him eat those words later. Now sitting at the table in the house of one of the village leaders all five of them were wishing they had some terrible disease that prevented them crossing the Event Horizon today but hindsight was 20/20.

Carson and Teyla held the same expression while McKay and Sheppard practically pretended to be somewhere else. Ronon wasn't minding it that much until the true nature of the food came to light. With a cock of his head and wide eyes Carson watched, not amused he dare say, as his celebratory meal began to walk across the table. Sushi was one thing walking sushi was another.

"That is somethin' you don' see everyday," he remarked.

"Um…..John I believe our food is walking away," Teyla added nonchalantly.

"Ah!" McKay practically screamed jumping up from the table and running the other direction as one of the 'bugs' stepped out of his bowl.

"What the hell is that?" Sheppard noted sliding his chair away from the table.

"That would be our dinner," Ronon added.

Ronon was the last to catch on his chair making a horrible grinding noise as it skidded across the wooden floor. If it surprised Ronon than it had to be bad. Carson continued to watch as another bug, or slimy creature thing, so eloquently waltzed out of his bowl to kind of dance in front of him. The scene was not unlike something out of the Disney movie _Flubber_ if the slimy creature thing was green and clear with attitude. But true to the villager's word the food was _fresh_, a little too fresh for Carson's tastes though. He preferred his food dead and cooked well done thank you.

As for Teyla even her off-world Athosian customs couldn't compare to the strange picture she was seeing now. While Tuttleroot stew wasn't exactly kosher on some worlds the food served at Athosian festivals was properly killed and cooked. Never in her life had she seen her food move as she prepared to eat. Never in her life was she expected to actually eat something that still, what was the word, 'wiggled'. She and Carson shared a looked as they turned their heads slowly, a look of horror. As for Sheppard he tried to back away slowly from the creatures fearing for his life. He swore to kill Elizabeth when they set foot back in Atlantis. Just sending them here was cruel and unusual.

"How incredibly awkward and not cool," he drawled.

"Agreed, can we go now?" Rodney was back at the table taking his seat slowly keeping as far away as possible from the little slimy creature that had crawled from his bowl.

"They expect us to eat that," Ronon said pulling a face, it wasn't a question.

"I am not eating that," Teyla returned that face with a pointed look at Ronon.

"Neither am I, I do agree we leave this shindig," Carson added.

They all just continued to stare in horror as the amount of creatures began to multiply. Looking down at his bowl Sheppard was terrified to find liquid broth filled with a dozen squirming creatures. It was times like this he hated the Pegasus galaxy and cursed it all. It was times like these he wished he stayed with his mundane life with the Air Force instead of joining the strange mission. For Rodney the Wizard of Oz's _there's no place like home _rang in his ears as he closed his eyes against the sight. Oh the fun they had off-world in the Pegasus galaxy.

John was thinking pretty much the same thing as he pondered ways to get him and his team from this awkward situation. He thought about sneaking out the back door with or without his team but figured creating a dispute with the clan leader wasn't exactly a smart thing to do. Faking illness was another way, wondering if Rodney could really pull it off. No, every idea was just as stupid as the last. They, SGA-1, would just have to suck it up and hope to get back to Atlantis with the contents of their stomachs.

"No choice, Elizabeth wants us to negotiate, settle a truce. Last thing we need is another clan war," John reminded them, no they didn't need a repeat of the last time they were forced to eat the native dish that had something equivalent to the Earth's lemon.

"But John….," they were all surprised when Teyla protested.

"No buts Teyla, bon appetit," John smiled.

"Great, just great," Rodney remarked with a grimace.

"Whatever, I'll try it," Ronon, ever the rebel, said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Good, you do that than we can go and get out of this Godforsaken village," Carson was moody today.

They all watched mildly amused as Ronon's fork hovered over the bouncing creature. With fast reflexes and a successful aim the fork slammed down spearing said creature and embedding in the wood of the table. Still wiggling as Ronon pulled the fork out of the table Ronon cocked his head. It was when the creature gave a shriek in protest that had them all resisting to retch. True to his word the ex-runner brought the wiggling, protesting slimy creature up to his mouth and in one brave move stuck it in his mouth. The resulting crunch elicited from Ronon's teeth was enough to send bile rising in Teyla's throat as she turned away. Muttering a slight Gaelic curse Carson turned as well, nothing he had seen in medicine could ever amount to this.

Rodney and John had the opposite reaction as they both cocked their heads to stare amazed at their teammate. A little baffled it wasn't until Ronon swallowed slowly that they were jolted from their paralysis. Taking a big swig of the drink offered on the table Ronon washed down the remnants of the slimy thing that just made its way to his stomach before sitting back in his chair.

"What?" he looked at his other teammates who were all in a different state of shock.

"Nothin'," John shook his head with a face.

"And here I thought he was trying to be civilized," Rodney remarked sarcastically.

"Now that is done with, we may go?" Teyla asked.

"How was the celebratory meal?" the clan leader, Matara, picked a real bad time to make an entrance.

Standing in the doorway of the hut was the clan leader himself, the same one to have placed each dreaded bowl in front of the unsuspecting off-worlders. Standing at Carson's height with a cheery smile he was a pleasant man but not someone you wanted to mess with SGA-1 learned quick enough. Carrying a bad sense of humor along with him and a bad taste all five of them were quite alarmed when he had offered them the supposed sacramental meal of the Gods. It was sacramental all right, more like sacrificial to both the squealing creatures and their stomachs. An MRE never looked so good right now.

"Yeah, it was great," John hoped the leader didn't pick up on his lie.

"Good, now how about those negotiations," they all looked to one another with a smile, this lying was working.

Finally he left them to their wondering. Rodney continued to stare at Ronon in amazement and mild disgust while Teyla looked to John for answers. Carson was just ready to go home to a decent meal that wasn't moving. Taking a deep breath John decided for his team who looked all but murderous.

"Let's get these negotiations over with shall we?" John stood up leaving his bowl of doom behind.

"Yeah, I would like to eat sometime today," there was Rodney always thinking with his stomach.

An hour later and live food not long forgotten SGA-1 was ready to depart. With the negotiations complete and a civil war thankfully avoided things went well. The image of their food moving across the table would long burn a hole in their memory though. The five of them would not soon forget P3X-774 and the slimy creatures. Luckily the Stargate was only feet away with all the edible food that lay waiting on the other side. Besides this was going to make for one strange post-mission report when they told Elizabeth of their adventures.

"I say that went well," Teyla said nearing the DHD.

"Aye if you don't count the sushi," Carson countered.

"We didn't start an interplanetary clan civil war this time," Rodney looked to the bright side.

"You mean _you_ didn't start an interplanetary clan civil war," John reminded him.

"Hey that was my allergy talking….my allergy," Rodney protested.

"Rodney, John," Teyla broke them up in true mother fashion.

"I won't soon forget those bloody creatures, they were a wee bit creepy," a look of mild fear crossed Carson's features.

"I don't know, didn't taste half bad," Ronon spoke up.

All heads turned to Ronon with mouths agape before John said, "Lets go home".

Disclaimer: Stargate Atlantis is the property of Brad Wright and Robert C. Cooper.


End file.
